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My name is Xao, and I live in South Carolina. Granted, my name isn't widely known, so you probably wouldn't have a hard time tracking me down but I hope you won't. Just e-mail and ask me anything you wish FIRST. Thank you.
Okay, I was born on November 5, 1983 which makes me 20 not too long ago. I have five sisters and two brothers, whose ages I cannot recall at the moment, so sorry for all of those who wished to know.
I grew up pretty much alone, having to do things by myself and being alone a lot. How I managed to make straight A's all throughout my childhood, I do not really know. I'm in college now, at South Carolina's York Tech in which I will transfer soon (within the next two years!) to South Dakota.
Now, onto the more important stuff...
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My spiritual past is one that I have not yet found in anyone else. I started mine as long as I can remember...
So here I am once more, to claim my rightful place in this world, and do what I have first set out to accomplish: to regain my entire being and know who and what I am, and to change the world for the better.
All that and trying to stick around for the next hundred years...times five or so! Lol. Maybe...we'll see.
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When I was growing up, I used to hate going to sleep at night for fear of my dreams. My dreams were recurring dreams, in which if I remembered one, that dream would skip until I have forgotten about it. Safe to say that the great majority of my dreams back then and NOW, are recurring dreams. I have some dreams, very, very few dreams, that are not recurring. They're prophetic, but not in the way of relating to anyone else or the world...they relate only to me and to whom I interact with or think about.
My dreams come and go as they please, although most of them are about death and scary stuff. About 99 percent of my dreams are recurring dreams, which I can say that ALL of my dreams are recurring dreams. I have yet to find someone else who has at least more than three recurring dreams, let alone all of them.
I was left alone for a good portion of my childhood by not out of my choice. I heard voices, conversations that aren't real. Most of the time, I can hear a baby crying, or footsteps in the attic. Of course, it scared me to death, but I sat there watching The X-Files (nice choice, I know) with the tv turned up really loud to drown them out. I NEVER heard anyone or anything whisper things in my ear, nor inside my head which was odd. I heard other conversations, as if I was listening to two or more people talk-people who are unaware that I was listening. I heard raps on walls and groans from my bed (which scared me and I NEVER slept on that mattress again!) and footsteps. I usually keep all of the doors closed when I'm alone, because I believed taht I didn't want to know what could be hiding inside.
I saw mostly shadows, nothing tangible. One time, I walked through this shadow of a man whose facial details were apparent to me, on my way back to my bedroom across the hall after getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. The man stood some seven feet and took up half of the hallway. I looked past him to my room and walked right through him. His face, before I passed him, was sad. I was scared.
I've seen many things in my mind, things that I probably shouldn't mention here but I might. I've had visions about different things from God to what looks like beautiful pieces of artwork to semi-full memories of lives that aren't my own. I once remembered being this little white girl with beautiful blonde hair. She had two brothers, an older one and a younger one. She sat infront of a huge tv and watched the marriage of Princess Diana (via 1981, before I was born). She loved the princess and watched it in detail (maybe one of these days, I can find a tape of the princess's marriage to Charles and watch it to confirm my memory). Then, I remembered her going to the hospital. It was one of them flat roofed, old timey hospitals made especially for children. She was no more than 8 years old at the time, I believe. The walls were dusty white and she was laid in a room by herself. There was a dull but bold yellow curtain that seperated her from an empty bed. No windows. There was a border of colored cookie-cutter shaped zoo animals at the top of the room. The girl died later, of which a psychic (yeah, I talked to a few of those in the past in which it was funny that some of them couldn't connect to me or had very little real talent) told me about having a hole in her heart.
I grew up in not the best family. My father was a guerrila fighter in the Vietnam war, thus, he was strict and hard on us and I can dare to call his physical discipline methods even "abusive". I was the third oldest, somehow blamed for everything (since I never had the guts to stand up to anyone nor my fears), and I was left to tackle the task of taking care of my youngest sister who was born in 1993, when I was nine. I was often left alone, and hell, I cried myself to sleep most nights...way early, BEFORE the sun went down. I suppose that a lot of my being able to connect to another world was the fact that I wished for it. My own world, was no longer habitable to me. Yet, I was afraid of the new world, because I had no one to help me through it nor guide me.
I don't know how old I was at the time, but I remember yelling at God (yeah, kids, huh?) one night, demanding to see if I had a guardian angel or not. I think I threatened him with my life (yeah, things were way bad...) and God answered. That night, I dreamt that I saw this beautiful angel. It was a black male angel with tiny wings and a halo. I was a kid, so it looked like a Christmas ornament. It was in mid-air, but not moving, as if I looked at a still picture. The next day after, I continued living.
I am not very good at the whole spiritual thing, so when I turned 16, my fear of the supernatural, of the second world that I was exposed to, turned into anger. Out of anger, I made it all stop. Yet, although everything from the voices to the shadows stopped, it still continued in some ways. Now, at 20, I realized that that was one of the biggest mistakes that I have made in my life.
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